When is It Accountability and When is It Cancel Culture?

Some things I wish I had waited to talk about publicly

When we first decided to get a dog, I was in the middle of my very contentious divorce. I had spent years asking my husband if we could get a dog (yes, I now understand the unhealth involved in that dynamic) to which he ultimately promised the kids we would get a dog when we moved into our new house in 2015.

Well, 2015 came and went with no dog. At the time, my youngest son had severe medical trauma from years of a clinical trial, regular medical procedures, and being forced to do a whole lot of things for his own health that he did not want to do. The experimental drug he was on allowed him to develop cognitively to the extent that he now realized he had choices and man, he wanted to exercise them! He wanted to exercise them to stop getting poked and prodded, but couldn’t appreciate that those pokes and prods kept him alive and kept him learning and talking.

My goal in getting a dog was to support and calm him for medical procedures, provide a focus point for his trauma, and hopefully assist in other ways as well.

I had researched service dogs, read studies about their benefit in trauma, and by this time, I had published an e-book on medical trauma. I knew the process for getting and funding a service dog or setting up training one from a puppy. I had all the data. I presented the data.

I remember a specific conversation in 2018 where I laid it all out and again asked my then husband if we could get a service dog (I know, I know, it was like I was the researcher, organizer, but also the child, but that’s how the dynamic works in abusive marriages), to which he replied something to the effect:

“You’re always saying how busy you are. This would just add to it. I know this wouldn’t be good. It would not go down well. No, we’re not getting a dog.”

I tried to explain better. “But the whole point is to help! Something has to change - our child is struggling. And you promised the kids we’d get a dog years ago anyway.”

“Well, I don’t remember ever promising that.”

---

By 2019, my son’s medical trauma had somewhat improved, but was latent, hiding in the recesses, then jumping out at inopportune times, like when we needed to finish a medical appointment.

Due to [arm sweeps widely] all the things, I filed for divorce in February 2019. Soon after, in March 2019, we suddenly lost my aunt, who was a big part of our life. Amidst mountains of even more trauma that I won’t go into, I started looking for a service dog candidate. I knew we needed a doodle, because shedding is not great in a hospital setting. I had never heard of a bernedoodle, but that's where we landed.

We went to visit with Chloe at 4 weeks old before we picked her up a few weeks later. What an adventure!

The goal was to start training at about six to eight months old, in early 2020. Until then, she was going to be a lovely distraction and emotional support in one of the most trying times of our lives.

Enter COVID-19.